Elijah in Wonderland

[Celra]

-Back on the carpet-

Numbuh 2: How the hell did you get this to fly?

Maurice: No idea it was just luck!

Numbuh 2: I wish I never got on this carpet with you!

Maurice: Your telling me! I wish I never got on this carpet either!

Numbuh 2: Were gonna hit that---*Boom* Tree! Can't you steer this?

Maurice: I can try? Uh...Carpet LEFT! Uh...CARPET LEFT LEFT I SAY!

Numbuh 2: Carpeto! Leftyo?

Maurice: Uh...You grab the right side and I'll grab the left? Maybe if we work together we could both steer it?

Numbuh 2: Worth a shot!

-They try and fail-

Numbuh 2: Oh great the wind! Were gonna crash!

Maurice: That's no wind! That's a tornado!

-They get sucked in and spin around and around-

Numbuh 2: GREAT NOW WERE STUCK IN OZ!

Maurice: What makes you say that?

-Numbuh 2 points to the giant sign that says "Welcome to Oz"-

Mauice: Oh! Look at that! Population 324!

Numbuh 2: -Glares- So now what?

[tigerred]

"HELLO, oh my! Toto, we have guests!!!"

Hoagie: Hey it's a hooker! Yum. :3

Maurice: ............ Isn't that Dorothy?

Hoagie: No, her name is Hooker. She was Nigel's ex-girlfriend!

Toto: BARK!

(meanwhile in WONDERLAND....)

Elijah: (sitting on a stump, sorta bored and pissed-off) Yeah, and so I'm stuck here with no where to go, and--(looks up, concerned face) Hey! Are you even listening to me?

Amer: *dancing to "Cry" by Mandy Moore* I'll ALWAYS REMEMBERRRR.... It was LATE afternoon! It lasted FOREVER! But.... IT ENDED SO SOON!!!!!!!!!

Elijah: ......... Amer?

Amer: What? *takes out earplugs*

Elijah: Why do you listen to Mandy Moore anyway?

Amer: .... Why?

Elijah: .... She tried to seduce me in All I Want / Try 17, she played an anti-hero and tried to make the hero her own. But I didn't like that........ don't listen to her songs anymore, that's all I ask of you.

Amer: ......... Okay! I'll listen to Tatu instead! THEY FIT KUKI/WALLY SO WELL!!!!!!!!!

Elijah: But-TATU sing about lesbians being together.

Amer: Lesbians??

Elijah: Girls like girls.

Amer: I like those!

Elijah: .... Okay. That's great that you do, I am friends with lesbians and they're--

Amer: Kuki and Wally are lesbians?

Elijah: *face-palm*

[Celra]

Elijah: Anyway! Like I was saying! I'm stuck here because my two boyguard/friends were being lazy and then all of a sudden here I am! Not to mention there is no cell phone reception which is good and bad because I can't hear Pam rant now but it's bad because I'm stuck here with you....

Amer: Hey Elijah....I know your not nearly as great as Tom but....Would you like to be best friends?

Elijah: Uh...Not at all.

Amer: YAY WERE BEST FRIENDS NOW! *Puts in Headphones* EVERYTIME WE TOUCH I GET THIS FEELING AND EVERYTIME WE KISS I SWEAR I CAN FLY!!!

Elijah: Do you have ANYTHING cool?

Amer: Oops I did it again?

Elijah: NO!

Amer: Ice Ice Baby?

Elijah: No....

Amer: The Cheetah Girls?

Elijah: That's bad even for you.....

Amer: I KNOW! MILEY CYRUS! *Plays song* PARTY IN THE USSSAAAAAAA!

Elijah: Oh My Gosh!.........

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-In OZ-

Dorothy: Excuse me did you say that you knew Nigel?

Maurice: Uh..No...

Numbuh 2: YES!

Dorothy: I HATE HIM! HE DUMPED ME!

Maurice: Why?

Dorothy: FOR SOME BITCH NAMED LIZZIE! APPARENTLY SHE WAS NICER!

Numbuh 2: And apparently crazier.....

Dorothy: YOU BETTER SHUT UP OR I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE YOU TO OZ!

Maurice: Shut up Numbuh 2! we need her!

Dorothy: -Sweetly- Okay! To Oz!

[tigerred]

Maurice: .... *whispers to Hoagie* Somebody's escaped the mental house--

Dorothy: I heard that. ;D

Hoagie:

~**

Steve: OH MY GOD OH MY MARIAAAAAA. I LOVE TACOOOOOOS, AND I GOTTA WATCH SNLLLL~ TONIGHT!

Abby: WE HAVE NO TV, FOOL! .... Who's on SNL tonight anyway?

Steve: Betty White.

Abby: B--BETTY WHITE?! SHIT, SON, WE GOTTA GO TA' TARGET NOW. Where's Maurice, he can drive?

Steve: 'E and Hoagie Gilligan went somewhere.... don't know where.

Abby: Listen up! Who can take us to Target?

Elijah: *looks around, seeing other mumbling* ...Uhm... *raises hand*

Abby: ELIJAH WOOD! You'll take us.

Elijah: *nod* But--

Abby: BUT NOTHIN' Fool, we're gonna go to Target and get ourselves a big'ol television and DirectTV! Let's move out, everybody!

*time passes, they're at the official Target in Wonderland...*

1-Love: Ay', mon! Abby Tubman, look whose' here!

Abby: *looks around, seeing Amer being a pimp with a girl; Sony-Mae* AMER! AMER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU SHOULD BE DELIVERING OUR MAIL, NOT LOLLYGAGGIN' WIT' A SLUT.

[Celra]

Amer: Oh! I heard Tom was gonna be here! and then I saw this girl looking for Bra's in Size EE

Elijah: Okay first of all why would tom be HERE? and second of all the Size EE shoulden't exsist that would be the size of a slingshot which woudl mean that person would need to be the size of a Hippo!

Abby: -Mutters to Elijah- Did you look at the girl?

Elijah: Ooopps....well good look with whatever weird thing your doing Amer and BTW tom is sooo not coming here!

Sony-Mae: You nevier no!1 He He mighrt com her 2 see art

Abby: Art at Target?

Amer: It is COUPON SATURDAY!

Abby: Rigggghhhtttt!

Sony: OMG! OMG OMG OMG!

Abby: What?

Sony: YU SEAM LYKE U WULD B A GUD MATCH FOR ASH KETCHUM! I MUST DRAW U TOGETHER -SNAPS PIC OF ABBY- AMER C'MON TO THE ART SUPPLIES SECTIN

Amer: But...But...TOM! -Gets Dragged away by Sony-

Steve: That was weird.....SO LETS GET US A TV AND SOME DIRECT TV!

Elijah: One problem....We don't have any money.....

Abby: Then we can steal the TV!

Elijah: How will we get Direct TV?

Abby" STOP BEING A DOWNER! NUMBUH 2 WILL DO IT FOR ME!

[tigerred]

Sony-Mae: *walks in again* But Numbah 2 isn't here, Abbagail. He went to Oz, remeber?

Abby: Three misspellings in one sentence? You've gotta be shittin' Numbuh Five.

Sony-Mae: Wha..? But my english is god.

Abby: Your English is God?

Sony-Mae: Good. ^^;; That's what I meant!!

Abby: Riiight. >> *walks off* C'mon, gang. Let's go find Numbuh 2.

Sony-Mae: But Numbah 2 isn't--

Elijah: Shut the hell up, Sony-Nae.

Sony-Mae: It's Mae!!!!! And arent you're Eligah Woods?!

Elijah: ..... Elijah.... Wood.

Sony-Mae: Right. You're welcome.

Elijah: ..Okay then.

Sony-Mae: Fine. How are you?

Elijah: ... I'm just super.

Sony-Mae: YOU'RE NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elijah: ... I know I'm not. But I enjoy saying positive things.

Sony-Mae: Oh.

[Celra]

Elijah: Yeah....

Sony: So wut u do in in her?

Elijah: WHAT AM I DOING IN WHO?

Sony: her

Elijah: HER WHO?!

Sony: Taraget

Elijah: I DON'T KNOW ANY TARA AND SHE AIN'T GETTING ANYTHING!

Steve: Dude, Chill....Sunnnay Nay-Nay listen Broad what ya want from us? We jus tryin to get us a TV and then maybe some Taco's and Nacho's

Sony: Cand i goo 2?

Elijah/Steve: WHAT?

Elijah: -Sigh- Hey look at this! It's the movie the Titanic!

Sony: Movie!

Elijah: Well I'm going to hold this DVD case of the titanic in front of your face and I want you to say "Elijah skadoo I can too" Okay?

Sony: oka Eligah Skadoo i can 2

-Sony then skadoos into the cover and Elijah puts it back on the shelf-

Elijah: Ohhh yeah! Titanic! It's gonna sink and there ain't no computers there! WIN/WIN FOR ELIJAH! -High Fives Steve-

Steve: HOW DID YOU DO THAT?

Elijah: Shhhhhhhhhhh you can't tell Abby!

[tigerred]

Steve: AB-

Elijah: *slams his hands over his mouth*

Steve: *mumble, mumble!*

~**

Rachel: *SUCH A FAT LARD ON HER SOFA IN HER ROOOOOOM* .... DELIGHTFUL CHILLLLDRENNNN.

DC: Yes, momma?

Rachel: That's MOTHER to you, kids! Now go get me some burgers from White Castle!!!

DC: But Mother, we are in our white castle.

Rache: Not... D'OH. *face-palms stupidly with her giant fingers* Fine then! AMER THE MAILCARRIER GET YOUR MUSLIMISH ASS IN HERE!!!

*Amer suddenly pops out of nowhere into her room*

Amer: BABY I CAN DIG YOUR MAAAAANNNNN~

Rachel: I don't have a man--at least not yet!!!! Now do me a favor by going to White Castle and gettin' me an eleventy-billion burgers on the double!

Amer: Kk, Rachel! I LOVE YOU, NUMBUH 362!!!!!! *rushes off*

Rachel: Jesus Tits, what a loser.

[Celra]

DC: But Mother explain to us how in the world is he going to get us burgers while were IN the white castle?

Rachel: Does it look like it's my problem? NO IT'S NOT!

DC: Sigh....-They leave-

Rachel: Where are you going?!

DC: To call father!

Rachel: Yeah, Go call him...UNGRATEFUL BASTARD! NIGEL UNO GET YOUR BALD ASS IN HERE!

Numbuh 1: My Bald ass? Don't you mean head?

Rachel: No I mean ass! I heard rumors you shave it all nice and smooth...Yummm SMOOTIE! GET ME ONE NOW UNO!

Numbuh 1: But only Numbuh 1 love makes the best smoothies!

Rachel: Well I want Stawberry! So go down to the kitchen and help cree make me the perfect smoothie!

Numbuh 1: And you'll be doing?

Rachel: I'll be on my laptop playing COD 4 (Call Of Duty 4) Now get Numbuh 65.3 here now! I need a bath with whipped cream! ASAP

[tigerred]

Nigel: Ugh... you're such a horrible leader-

Rachel: What. Did you say?

Nigel: Uh... When I grow-up, I'm gonna be the most bitchiest wife beater!

Rachel: ...

Nigel: *leaves*

Rachel: Bleh. I'm not a horrible leader....

65.3: *comes in* What do you need, sir?

Rachel: I want to talk about my feelings.

65.3: ... Okay... and this is... why?

Rachel: *shrug* .... Wait. The real reason is why because you gotta give me a bath in whipped-cream!!!!

-

Cree: UGH! *mashes the strawberries and starts to swirl them into the blender* That bitch makes us work hard each and every day, and what do we get? Nothing! Absolutely NOTHING.

Nigel: Then why are you and Chad working for her in the first place? Why not pack up your things and head over to Father's castle instead? At least he gives you food and a warm bed to sleep in, and rewards, too.

Cree: I wish we could, Numbuh Dumb. But Chad and Numbuh Dicks-ty don't get exactly get along do to Dicks-ty's loyalty to the Kids Next Door.

Nigel: ... What a butt-face. He's such a fart.

Cree: I know, right?

-

*Abby's kingdom are all sitting in a GIHUGIC tent, watching the stolen big-screen TV and Betty White is hosting SNL*

1-Love: Ya know, mon'! *slerps his smoothie* I wonda' what happened 'ta 'da cool kidz spidey Maurice and Hoagie Gilligan, mon!..?

[Celra]

Numbuh 5: OH GOD! Maurice is missing what do we do??!

Steve: NEW KING TIME BABY! PUCKER UP!

Numbuh 5: Ewww No!

Elijah: Why don't we make sure Numbuh 2's alright? Maybe he's safe at the castle! Can we go check? PLEASSEE?!

Numbuh 5: Alright fine! We'll go talk to Father......Let's go guys.....
-----------------------------------------------------------------
-In OZ-

Dorothy: It's getting Dark out! we should stop in the woods and get some rest!

Numbuh 2: Woulden't it be smarter to keep going?

Maurice: Or at least make a shelter?

Dorothy: Listen! I know what I'm talking about! I flew here from Kansas!

------------------------------------------------------
-Back at Father's castle-

Father: No No No! Numbuh 2 is fine he's outside painting! In fact ask Numbuh 60 he's been outside paiting all day he even stopped to get the mail....NUMBUH 60 COME HERE!

Numbuh 60: Yes sir?

Father: Wheres the mail and Numbuh 2?

Numbuh 60: Well Numbuh 2 took a break and then went to get the mail and that's the last time I saw him you should ask Amer where he went.....

Elijah: This can't be good.....

[tigerred]

(meanwhile)

Amer: LALALALALALALAAAAAAA! *skips along to a forbidden cave in the forest far, far away from Abby's kingdom*

"Who goes there.........??"

Amer: HELLO WALLABEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIHIHIHI!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D

Wally: *steps out with a beard, and a can of beer* *belches loudly* What'da want, America?

Amer: It's AMER, not 'ica!

Wally: *gulps beer* What'eva.

Amer: I got'chu some mail! ^^ *hands it to him*

Wally: Get that perfectly clean trash away from my treasured greasy hands, mate. Or I'll have my cock kill 'ya.

Amer: Your... cock!? You mean your ge--

Wally: No, you horseraddish bastard! Mah' cockatrice. 'Ere. Ah'll show ya. *takes Amer into the back of his cave*

Cockatrice: *screeches loudly, eating rotten, dead mice and claws its talons against the cavern floor*

Wally: Ah' named him Rice.

Amer: HE LIKES RICE?

Wally: That he does, secretly-wants-ta-bomb-the-USA-Muslim, that he does.

Rice: CAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Wally: Good boy, Rice! *gives him the clean mail to tear apart*

Rice: CWAAAAAAAAWCK. *HACKKKK*

Wally: Awww, don't worry pal! It'll be over before you know it. Hey, America! Wanna see something really cool?

Amer: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYTHING THAT'S COOL WITH YOU!!!!!!!

Wally: Err... okay! Stand over here, in front of Rice.

Amer: *does so* Like this?

Wally: Yep!! Open your eyes. WIDENEDLY.

Amer: *opens eyes widened*

Rice: CAAAAAAAAW WORSTNIGHTMARETEIMZ!! *looks deep into Amer's eyes and turns his half his body to stone* CAWWW? *Amer has turned his head, talking to Wally*

Wally: DAMMIT KID YOU RUINED HIS ATTACK. Get outta here before Ah' throw ya out!

Amer: But... but I can't move, Wally-kun!!

Wally: Do the best ya can, 'cause Ah' ain't helpin' ya..... *sips beer*

Amer: BUT... D:

Wally: But nothin'. . . . Here. *throws him a cracking axe* Use that to help ya get outta stone. Piece of cake.

Amer: D:

[Celra]

Amer: Excuse me! While I'm here anway would you mind me asking why your here living in a cave anyway and drinking beer at the age of 10?

Wally: I do mind telling you the story! But Rice and me don't get much company these days so I'll tell ya!

------------------------------------------------------------
-FlashBack to Happier times-

Numbuh 4: Excuse me Numbuh 86 sir!

Numbuh 86: What do ya want ya cruddy boy!

Numbuh 4: I was lookin for Numbuh 362 because Numbuh 1 told me that I needed to hand in this re---ARE YOU DRINKING BEER?

Numbuh 86: What's it to ya! If you must know YES I AM! ALL BECAUSE CHAD BROKE MY HEART WHEN HE BETRAYED THE KND! -Takes large sip and burps-

Numbuh 4: But Fanny that was in season 3! Long long ago in KND time! you should be over it now it's 2010! Hell it's November 2010 in some other world where idiots roam on Facebook! get a life!

Numbuh 86: Whatever! You want Rachel I'll send you to her -Numbuh 86 then pushes Numbuh 4 into an unknown universe which later was known as wonderland-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-Flashback ends-

Amer: What a cool story does it have a happy ending?

Numbuh 4: Does this look happy to you?! Besides there is another part of the flashback! The worst of it all!

Amer: REALLY?! WAS TOM THERE?!

Numbuh 4: No! Lemme finish the damn story!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
-Continue the bad flashback-

Numbuh 4: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -Lands- where the crud am I?

Random security guy: A STRANGER FROM THE SKY??! THIS CANNOT BE! THE WORLD MUST BE ENDING! WE MUST TAKE YOU TO THE KING AND QUEEN!

Numbuh 4: Da Wot?

-Numbuh 4 then gets dragged into the Red Castle where King Father and Queen Rachel are sitting on the throne room-

Numbuh 4: WHAT THE CRUD IS GOING ON HERE???!!!

Father: Silence! Why are you in the kingdom of me and my beautiful underage queen?

Numbuh 4: Underage Queen? Oh god....I fell here from moonbase! Why the hell are you here and what is this place?

Father: Your in a place called Wonderland!

Numbuh 4: Why is it called Wonderland? Who the hell came up with that name?

Father: -Firey- I DID! SO YOU BETTER LIKE IT! IT'S CALLED WONDERLAND BECAUSE IT'S WONDERFUL THAT I CAN BE WITH UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE! AND DO YOU KNOW WHY I CAN? BECAUSE I FOUND THIS PLACE AND CALLED IT WONDERLAND BECAUSE I'M HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!

Rachel: Were Married now Numbuh 4 and we coulden't be happier!

Numbuh 4: Oh god....That's That's....Awful....

Rachel: Gee Thanks say it right in front of our faces will ya.....Anyway you can go to Target and get us a Wedding Gift! were registered there!

Numbuh 4: Yeah I'll make sure to...Not go to Target and Not do that and then possibly leave....speaking of leaving....How do I leave?

Father: Leave? Why would you wanna leave? You have the leader of the Villians and the Leader of the KND married and ruling one kingdom what could be better?

Rachel: Were hoping for peace and Harmony and a shower that shoots out Carmel

Father: Ewww Why would you want that?

Rachel: The better question is why woulden't you? So Numbuh 4 how would you like to join us? Live here in the castle and become head of our security? WE CAN PLAY CRASH BANDICOOT AND SPYRO AND COD!

Numbuh 4: Crud no I'm finding a way out of here! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH -Numbuh 4 leaves-
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End odd flashback

Amer: That was a great story! I loved the part about Tom!

Numbuh 4: Were ya listening? He wasen't even in the story! the story was about how I got here! I ran and ran and ran so far away from the castle I ran for 4 days and halfway up this moutain before I found this cave and I had to wrestle and kill a bear! Do you know how hard that is to steal a bears cave? But I managed and Now I live over 100 miles away from wonderland and the stupid weird world

Amer: Where have you been? Father and Rachel broke up long ago! and now rule 2 seperate castles!

Wally: WHAT??! Oh well who the hell cares! I'm staying here I made it this far to get here I don't feel like going all the way back......But I will let you go on one condition......

Amer: WHAT?

Numbuh 4: I always regretted not giving this mission report to Numbuh 362 because I forgot when I fled far far away for days! Would you give this to her and never come back?

Amer: SURE!

Numbuh 4: Great! -Uses axe to break amer free- NOW GO!

[tigerred]

Amer: RUN RUN AS FAST AS I CAN, I'M NOT FAT LIKE Ace&Gary!!! *trips over a rock lol*

*Numbuh 1-Love walks up*

1-Love: Whooooaaaa, man! What is 'dis?! Amer the mailcarrier!? What a sight for sore-eyes! Was 'dis 'da guy who called for ya, mons'?

Ace: Yes, that's him all right!

Gary: And his nipples are cold! Look at his breasts, they're freezing more than our Fortress of Privacy!

1-Love: Yeahh... it's gettin' chilly, out, mon. Let's go back to the kingdom, come with us!

Ace&Gary: Okay!

~**

Elijah: But I haven't seen Numbuhs One and Two for a few days, now... especially Hoagie. I'm worried, miss Abby.

Abby: Numbuh Five couldn't really care less where Numbuh One's where'bouts are. She only cares 'bout MAURICE! Her one true love in 'dis RP.

Elijah: I know, but-

1-Love: *enters the tent* Yo, mon's! I found some chilled superheroes and an unconscious Amer!

Elijah: What?!

Steve: SUPERHEROES!? NAH, MAN! Ya got The Steve and the Immortal Taco, for cryin' out loud! *bites taco*

Ace: Greetings.

Steve: *barfs out taco*

Gary: Aw, man! He vomited out most of his taco.

Ace: Indeed. We could finish it for you if you don't have the time, The Steve. *pats Gary's ass affectionately* Gary here is a great eater of all things.

Everyone: .............

Gary: ^^

Ace: ... What's everybody looking at?

Everyone: Nothing. >>;

[Celra]

Steve: Your really creepin us out man.....

Ace: How so?

Father: YOUR JUST....EW

-Just then the Pretty Princess walked in-

Pretty Princess (Known as PP from this point): Hello, teh Wonderful Wonderlandians! How is everyone?

Ace: Dude! we totally wanan touch the balls....hehehe

PP: Really?, Teh Balls?

Abby: Uh...who the hell are you?

PP: I am Teh Prettiest Princess from teh neighboring kingdom! I tend 2 stay awya from tehs kingdom though! One would assume all this pish and posh stuff is happening

Gary: Why you talking like this man?

Ace: Yeah were outta here! -They burst into flames-

Father: Listen! I told you now that Rachel is outta the picture I'll marry you and you can be queen and we shall rule everything! How old are you again? Under 18? That's dandy!

PP: I WILL NOT DEH8 TEH LOCAL PEDO! IN FACT THIS IS WHY I STAY AWAY FROM TEHS KINGDOM! -Storms out-

Father:I take it she's not gonna marry me?

Numbuh 5: Fat Chance....

Father: How about you abby? -Raises eyebrows-

Numbuh 5: Fatter chance.....

-Amer suddenly wakes up-

Amer: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I GOTTA GET GET THIS LETTER TO RACHEL BUT SINCE NUMBUH 2 TOOK MY CARPET I GOTTA RUN FASTER AHHHHHHHHH

Elijah: -Strangles Amer- TELL ME EVERYTHING NOW!