Operation: TAPED 1/5 3/4 with some sugar/spice

[digigirl02]

Funny chapter, I liked Wally's confession the best. I vote for #4.

[NumbuhInfinity]

I thought Wally's confession was funny, too, and I didn't even notice that about Kuki's confession. Heh.

It might be Donovan as he was the villian in the story that's being parodied. But then it could also be the Splinter Cell, maybe they need a taped Kuki for whatever reason in order to get Nigel to join. Or something.

[Cap'n Veg]

You're fanfic writing skills never cease to amaze me.

My vote goes to the Splinter Cell... yeah

[hypergirl20]

My vote goes to Chad! Or the Splinter Cell...both work

[arsenault]

Im think its Chad. Father would just burn Kuki, the Delightfuls would never seperate (except for more important matter) and the Splinter Cell helps out kids. Process of elimination people.

[Shwoo]

This is an awesome parody, and almost makes reading RAPED in 2005 worthwhile. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Donavon. He was the bad guy in the fic, after all.

[destinyinevitable]

...so tempted to say Toilenator...

But as he wasn't on their...I dunno. Numbuh 4.

[numbuheightbitstar]

Prelude to Chapter Four

Before the Chapter proper begins, Nigel Uno once more has to announce something on stage. He cleared his throat, then announced:

"At the end of the last chapter, the author had me announce that you the fans would get to vote for who the villain of this story would be. This was meant to decide who the villain would be... but not really. See, the joke was going to be that James was going to totally ignore your votes and go with whoever he wanted anyway, because he's just that kind of jerk.

"However, somehow the vote got misinterpreted as some sort of guessing game, to which I can only say...

"Good job." Here Numbuh One dropped his cue card and said, "Serves him right. Jimmy thinks he's soooo smart! Well, now he can kiss my--"

Errr, sorry to cut that short. We now bring you to Chapter Four.

Chapter Four: How to be absolutely UN-intimidating

It had been a week since the sticky incident which had stuck itself in Kuki's soul like a post-it note from Satan, and finally, just finally, she was beginning to enjoy life again. There they were: All her favorite toys. All her favorite foods. Her favorite blend of bubble bath. She had just got done bathing and was now wearing a robe (sorry boys) and was now checking her E-Mail. What E-Mail service she used and since when there was an internet line in the treehouse in the first place is anyone's guess, but there it was.

Kuki had logged in and was now checking the subjects. One subject informed her that she "enlarge" something, she didn't want to know what. Another advertised porn, making her wonder if these spammers even knew who they were sending E-Mail too. One even went so far as to advertise "hot Asian chicks!" This one made Kuki smile, because she figured she was probably hotter than anything these guys could offer.

One caught her eye. This one was simply titled "I'm warning you," which made her smile with curiosity because no one had ever advertised a product that way before (except for some bad attempts in GamePro magazine back in the mid-nineties, but Kuki wouldn't know that).

She was disappointed that the E-mail turned out to not be an advertisement at all. Rather it was a lame threat, written in pink of all things. Kuki's own reply was written in green, partly because those are the only two colors I know the code for and partly because it makes the following part easier for the readers. Anyway, Kuki read the E-Mail, shot back a response, almost immediately got a response, and things rolled on from there. Here is the entire exchange:

I'm warning you, don't you dare tell ANYONE!

Don't tell anyone what?

Don't tell anyone how the movie ends!

What, you mean the part about Soylent Green being people?

YOU IDIOT! There wasn't a spoiler warning! Now everyone knows! Damn, I should've left you taped up in that alley, you spoilerriffic little brat you.

Oh, so it was you who taped me all over a week ago!

Yeah... Yeah! And if you tell anyone about it, I'll find you and tape you up again. And I'll tape up your little sister, your friends, and

Dude, reality check. One, you couldn't HANDLE my sister. She's too much for me most of the time and I'm twice the man you are (and I'm a girl). Two, you and your entire family couldn't take the Kids Next Door. You've tried. You've failed. Miserably. I mean, dude, that same threat coming from Murky and Lurky would carry more weight. That same threat coming from Professor Coldheart would be more scary. I mean, if the Peculiar Purple Pie-Man of Porcupine Peak came and told me he was going to tape me up, I'd be more scared of that than I am of you.

Ow, that hurts. Betcha ten bucks nobody but us and James gets all the references.

You're on!

All right, but *evil smirk* beware... I know who you are, but you don't know me.

Nice try Donovan.

What the? I mean, no, I am not this "Donovan." Nice wild guess babe. I'm watching you even as we speak.

That's nice Donovan. I think I'll go tell all my friends now.

Will you quit calling me Donovan! What the heck makes you think I'm Donovan?

Your E-Mail address is "Hey_its_me_Donovan@You_know_the_Delightful_Child.com". That's a pretty dead giveaway.

.... Brat.

The conversation stopped there.

Kuki was trembling with terror. Suddenly the horrible, traumatizing events of over a week ago were coming back to her, as she was confronted with these new, threatening E-Mails from her stalker! She could only do one thing!

She ran to the room where everyone else was and pulled out a stopwatch, quickly explaining "Hey guys, we're about to be attacked in ten minutes."

Ten minutes later, a giant robot crashed through the wall, and driving it was none other than the Delightful Children From Down the Lane! They laughed evilly and cackled about how they were gonna take down the Kids Next Door.

Kuki put away the stopwatch and said "Yeah, sure. Wussies."

"Wu-wussies?!"

"Needing a giant robot to take on a bunch of little kids? And that guy Donovan thinks he could tape me up in an alley." Kuki hmphed and turned her head aside while crossing her arms.

The Kids Next Door gasped in shock at the revelation.

It was provoking a slightly different response for the Delightful Children. Donovan opened the cockpit and stepped out, saying "I told you not to tell anybody you little--"

"Donovan!" Cheryl yelled, coming beside him and grabbing his ear, and this turn of events was so unexpected even Kuki was perplexed.

Cheryl asked, matter-of-factly "What is this I hear about you taping her up?"

Donovan, oddly enough, seemed to be quite scared of Cheryl. "Well," he explained, jittering and biting his nails and sweating enough bullets to feed an army, "Ummm, you see..."

"I thought we agreed, long ago, that you could take out your bizarre taping fetish on me!" Cheryl exclaimed. "I thought we were perfect! I thought you liked me! And now I hear that you've been taping up other girls?"

"Cheryl, you don't understand! I had a new roll of duct tape, and she was right there! She was one of our worst enemies! I couldn't resist!"

It was then that Nigel slapped his forehead and said "This is the stupidest arguement I've ever heard!"

Donovan turned and said "You stay out of it!"

But Cheryl said "He's right, you know. Besides," Cheryl smirked as she walked over to Kuki and said, "I look better in duct tape anyway."

Now, as you all know, Kuki is a full-of-herself little brat who has to be more perfect than everyone at everything, and even a stupid challenge like this was one she couldn't turn down, so she said "Yeah right! You look like a goosed-up salmon! Me, I'm a Goddess in duct tape!"

"Ha! You're on!"

"When?"

"Oh, sometime after the next chapter. The author has a few more bits he wants to parody first." Cheryl yawned, grabbed Donovan and dragged him back into the giant robot. "May the best woman win!" Cheryl quipped, but before the cockpit closed, Cheryl added, "One more thing: Donovan is three times the woman you are, and he's a man!"

As the cockpit closed and the robot left, Nigel smacked his head again and said "That is the stupidest insult I've ever heard!"

To be continued! Next chapter: Kuki prays to patron saints!

[thesuki]

Shoulda gone with the Toilenator.

[numbuheightbitstar]

I would've, but Cheryl would never consent to being wrapped in toilet paper ^__^.

[thesuki]

Why not? It's fun.

Erm... that is... I wouldnt' know.

<<

>>

[faircod1965]

Absolutely, the fouth chapter adding most excitement to thiis story.

[numbuheightbitstar]

Chapter Five: The Explattering of lame at the bottom of my heart

*~Numbuh 3's POV~*

I woke up.

*~Numbuh 4's POV~*

I saw Numbuh Three yawning, like she had just woken up.

*~Numbuh 1's POV~*

I saw Numbuh Four saying "Good Morning" to Numbuh Three as if Numbuh Three had just woken up.

*~Numbuh 3's POV~*

POV stand for point-of-view, and anyone stupid enough to use POV-switching probably wasn't aware of that.

I stepped out of bed, wondering why my actions couldn't be told in third-person. I mean, its not like me getting out of bed is being given any more depth of character by being from my point of view, is it?

All right, I guess I'll try it.

I woke up cheerily and said "Hiya Wally!" and almost glomped him even as he shrunk back, then I suddenly asked Numbuh One "Hey, do we have any cereal?" But didn't even wait for an answer as I ran to the kitchen and poured myself a bowl. I had forgotten to get out of my pajamas and into my green sweater, but that's okay--nobody would mind.

And just to prove a point, I want Jimmy to rewrite that paragraph from his POV.

*~Jimmy's POV~*

Kuki woke up cheerily and said "Hiya Wally!" and almost glomped him even as he shrunk back, then she suddenly asked Numbuh One "Hey, do we have any cereal?" But didn't even wait for an answer as she ran to the kitchen and poured herself a bowl. She had forgotten to get out of her pajamas and into her green sweater, but that's okay--nobody would mind.

Yeah, I kinda understand what Li'l Kuki-baby means about the POV-switching, but I have to say... the joke just doesn't work if we don't do it. Besides, I get the day off today.

*~Numbuh 3's POV~*

Wait, why do YOU get a vacation?

Meaniehead!

So yeah, I had a breakfast, and I wondered if today would be the day I finally tell my buddies what happened to me. I was scared about how they would react--that it wouldn't be up to Jimmy's incredibly high standards of character drama in a continuous setting. I didn't want to be the victim of one of Jimmy's bad reviews.

So I drank my tea and gobbled down my eggs and waited and looked at Numbuh Four.

*~Numbuh Four's POV~*

I wondered why Kuki was looking at me.

*~Numbuh Three's POV~*

I was looking at him because he was the only guy who knew my secret, because we had secretly discussed it in an intense, passionate, romantic moment. Remember?

*~Numbuh Four's POV~*

What? Ewww, that's gross Numbuh Three! Like I'd ever have an "intense blah moment" with any girl!

*~Numbuh Three's POV~*

Gee, way to ruin a dramatic moment.

Okay, I was looking at Numbuh Five, who knew how this story was supposed to go.

*~Numbuh Five's POV~*

I looked at Numbuh Three, eyes full of sympathy, and nodded the signal for her to go ahead and reveal the truth to everyone.

*~Numbuh Three's POV~*

...Why was she nodding again?

*~Numbuh Five's POV~*

"Are you going to reveal the situation or what, girl?" I yelled to Numbuh Three.

*~Numbuh Three's POV~*

"Oh!" I blushed with embarrassment, then coughed, and said "Uhh... ahem... I... last week... in the alley..."

"No!" Hoagie declared, "It was General Custard, in the Library, with the Wrench! HA!"

I threw something at him, then tried again. I simply blurted out, "I was taped." It was easier to say three words than come up with a whole speech.

Crickets chirped in sympathy and outdoor sounds kept sounding as if to say they heard and felt for me. My friends just stared, and I wondered when the big emotional outburst was going to happen.

Then Numbuh One said, "Didn't we learn all this in the last chapter?"

I blushed with embarrassment again, and said "Oh, that's right."

"You poor girl!" Numbuh Five said, showing me sympathy (someone had to, otherwise this story would be kinda stupid, and we all know guys aren't capable of emotion so it really had to be her).

"Yes, you poor girl!" said Genma Saotome, then held his son Ranma in front of me and said "Here's the culprit!"

We all looked up at them, confused about how they had gotten here and how they had somehow managed not to set off an alarm. "Culprit of... what? What did he do?" I asked.

"Why," Genma said, "He's your fiancee who skipped out on you when you were babies, remember?"

"Pop," Ranma said irritably, "She's ten years old."

"Well that's never been an obstacle before, right?" Genma said.

"Ummm, guys," I said, "What happened to me was that I was knocked out by a bad case of New Coke, and one of my evil neighbors walked by and decided to put duct tape around me. You guys are in the wrong fanfic. Actually, you're in the wrong show, and this fanfic is silly enough without becoming an impromptu crossover."

Ranma and Genma thought that over, everyone else wondered what "impromptu" meant and how I knew a word they didn't.

Then I tapped the table with my spoon and the Saotomes were back in their proper franchise.

Numbuh Five cleared her throat, and then said "Oh Numbuh Three, I'm so sorry for you!"

Numbuh Two sniffed, showing emotion (proving he wasn't really a guy, as I had always suspected), "Yeah!" He agreed, "Don't worry, we'll find out who did this and we'll give him Elmers!"

"Elmers?" Numbuh Five asked with a cold look in his direction.

"You know, the glue company."

Numbuh Five could barely resist slapping Numbuh Two.

I stood up and slammed the table. "Mothra darn it, don't you guys have any dramatic sense?"

Then I walked out of the room, upset.

To be continued! And since I'm really bad about not sticking to my promises, I won't predict what's in the next chapter.

[hypergirl20]

hehe! That was hilarious

[NumbuhInfinity]

I was wondering when random POV-switching would be parodied.