|
|
Post by Shwoo on Feb 27, 2006 5:44:20 GMT
Great fanfic, but remember to punctuate it correctly. It is important.
|
|
|
|
Post by nathalie on Feb 27, 2006 5:56:57 GMT
ok, dont worry I remebered o do spell check and stuff when i put it up on ff.net
|
|
|
|
Post by Shwoo on Feb 27, 2006 6:45:40 GMT
I think you should punctuate as you write. It makes it easier.
|
|
|
|
Post by nathalie on Mar 3, 2006 4:17:31 GMT
ok! Next Chapter! The Theft/ The fight
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Entry 35
The Project is almost over. After 2 years, the subjects are ready. They have passed every test, and are fully operatible. They shall be presented tomorrow. Mr. Wilston has ordered that they should be dressed in certain special outfits, and should resemble a bit they were the night they came. So we left the hair styles the same. We ven left one of the boy's helmet that he was wearing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr. Wilston walked up to the podium, surveying the press filled room warily. He cleared his throat and began
"for the past two years, we have been working on a top secret project. As you may have noticed, the human race seems to be declining. It is mostly becuase of the children. Unruly children has a high percent chancxe of becoming unruly adults. And the world seems to be plagued with these children. However, the mission of our project, was to create..... the perfect children. So, without further ado, let me introduce, The Delightful Children"
Out of the shadows, stepped five children. The were spotless and unscuffed, and were standing in a straight posture. The boys were wearing navy blue suits with red ties, and the girls were wearing white and blue sailor dresses.
their eyes flew open at the exact same time. 5 pairs of identicle, glassy light blue eyes.
Children, will you please greet our guests" mr wilston demanded
at the same time, the boyzs gave a light bow and the girls curtsied. They straightened up and put their hands behind their backs and smiled politly and spoke. five voices rang out at the exact same time in the exact same monotous tone
"Thank you ladies and gentleman for coming to our unveiling. We hope that enjoyed your stay"
applause filled the room.
"we are planning to build a simpler microchip to be implanted into the brains of other children. The reults will be almost the same."
As he continued his speech a roundfaced man with reddish hair standing near the corner of the room frowned.
He walked out of the room and headed towards the office. "I have to stop this" he thought
|
|
|
|
Post by Shwoo on Mar 3, 2006 11:41:30 GMT
Cool chapter. I'm curious about who the man could be.
|
|
|
|
Post by makuta on Mar 5, 2006 13:43:22 GMT
Finally, another chapter! Yes, yes, tell us who this man is.
|
|
|
|
Post by 28 on Mar 5, 2006 23:08:26 GMT
OMG IT'S SO GOOOOOOOOD!
Yeah....who is that guy? Hmmmm......it's......RON WEASLEY! Oh, wait, that's Harry Potter....guess I'll just have to wait and see! ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by nathalie on Mar 5, 2006 23:15:06 GMT
hm....should I tell you who he is?
|
|
|
|
Post by 28 on Mar 6, 2006 22:36:17 GMT
NO! Just write the chapter.....it'll be better!
|
|
|
|
Post by nathalie on Mar 9, 2006 3:14:07 GMT
"MR WILSTON!!! SOMEONE STOLE THE FILES!!!!!!!!!" the asscoiate shouted as he ran inside the room
mr wilston looked up from his desk "What are you talking about"
"All the files of the project, as well as the video footage, have been stolen!"
"WHAT?!?!!"
"Luckily, we caught the person who did it...."
he clicked on the pre recorded security footage.
on one of the screens, a round faced man with red hair was poking around the file cabinets, apparently looking for something
Wilston's eyes narrowed "Gilligan...." he hissed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoagie Gilligan smiled as he finished the copy of the files. "Done! Now to get this to the cops..."
As he stood up to leave, he heard a dak voice behind him
"Well well, hello Hoagie"
"Hello....Charles" Hoagie said coldy as he turned around to see Mr. Wilston leaning against the doorway, glaring at him
"Its been a long time, hasnt it. You havent changed a bit."
"Wish I could say the same about you" Hoagie said, glaring back at his old friend
"Now just what do you think youre doing with those stolen files?"
"well someones gotta infrom the cops about the horrible thhings youve done!"
"and what horrible would that be?"
"How bout experimenting on those innocent kids? Including your own children! And youre planning to do it to even more kids!"
Charles's eyes narrowed. He walked towards Hoagie. Some of the shadows from the corner seemed to cling to him, and there was an evil look in his eyes
"The world will thank me Hoagarth. Horrible little brats that are children these days will be gone. Adults will once again be in full control!!!"
"......Youre twisted, you know that"
Charles ignored that comment "Im afraid I cant let you leave now. Ive already gotten rid of the press at the meeting. They knew to much. Now, Im going to have to do the same to you."
Hoagie didnt think twice, He pulled out a gun and fired at Charles
Charles dodged the shots. A fireball ignited in his hand. he threw it at Hogie
Hoagie leapt aside. The fire grazed his shoulder. He gritted his teeth in pain and smirked
"So, you finally learned how to control your powers...."
"I have, and its a good thing too...."
they continued fighting. The battle became fiercer.
Hoagie was starting to lose strenth "Whatever happened to the Charlie I used to know?!"
"Hes gone.....forever....."
"Youre not gonna get away with this...."
"Oh, I think I shall..... " Charles shot a stream of fire up at the rafters
they began to weaken, then snapped. The building collasped.
Charles walked out of the flames completly unharmed., looking like some nightmarish figure, his body cloaked in shadows, the evil in his eyes burning brightly
|
|
|
|
Post by victor on Mar 11, 2006 20:56:25 GMT
Cool! Your fanfic reminded me that I should write the origins of Alpha 56.
|
|
|
|
Post by 28 on Mar 12, 2006 1:21:04 GMT
*eyes wide in the amazaingness of your writing style and captivating talent*
|
|
|
|
Post by nathalie on Mar 12, 2006 1:22:37 GMT
lol
so i suppose you liked it
|
|
|
|
Post by makuta on Mar 12, 2006 19:08:15 GMT
So, that's how Hoagie's dad died?  Gosh. Now don't make the story too depressing, or I won't want read it. I can't wait to find out what it was like when those poor children got released, though! By the way, you have an adorable avatar! ;D I want to poke her belly. |
|
|
|
Post by nathalie on Mar 12, 2006 21:16:49 GMT
lol thanks!
|
|
Gosh. Now don't make the story too depressing, or I won't want read it. I can't wait to find out what it was like when those poor children got released, though!