Sector V's Diary Entries-Their Personal Thoughts

[numberunknown]

Dear Diary,

I am more worried than I have ever been before! My Purple Power Rainbow Monkey has lost her button, and Is so embaressed, that she won't come to tea! I am very worried about her! On a lighter note, my other Rainbow Monkeys are super exited about Super Sunny Rainbow Monkeys birthday! I am going to have tea... and cookies... I even got Numbuh 5 to come! That mean Wally just said that they were dumb! He can get so annoying! Well... gotta go!

-Kuki


Dear Diary,

OK, I can NOT write for long! If the guys find out I write in a diary... I'll kill myself! Only cruddy girls write in diaries. OK, I needed to get this out. Numbuh 3 invited me to her cruddy Rainbow Monkeys birthday! I said no... but I wanted to say yes! Not for the Rainbow Monkeys... but for Kuki. I really like to be with her! Gosh... I sound like a stupid cruddy girl! Maybe I don't like when she hugs me... or when she has tea parties... but... Ah crud! Forget it... I do NOT like Numbuh 3... OK, I know that... I don't. Really. Nope... OK, maybe a little NO! I don't like stupid girls!

-Wally


Dear Diary,

Why, Why, Why?!?! I hate tea parties! Why did I say that I would go to Numbuh 3's? I just didn't want her to feel bad. OK, I know that I have written this a million times... but... I HATE GLASSES! STUPID DUMB GLASSES!!! Sorry... had to get that out... I want to say one last thing... I am scared... When I become a teenager... I'll be decomissioned! I know its in a year and a half... but... but... Forget it, I can't explain it...

-Abby


Dear Diary,

I am NOT pleased. I am really busy, and all of the people in my sector are complaining! They say that 5 hours of sleep insn't enough... EVIL WIMPS OK, that was a bit mean... Let me cross it out. I just really need 110% from these people! Oh, and last week, I forgot Lizzies, mom's, second cousins, fathers, aunts, stepsons birthday! Lizzie was so mad...

-Nigel


Dear Diary,

Nothing new... well, actually, a lot is new. Its just I am way to tired to write... Numbuh 1 is keeping us up!

-Hoagy

[queennicki]

he he! i think its very good!!! keep writing more! PLEASE!!!

[numberunknown]

THANKS!

[scone]

all their voices sound the same. I would reccomend paying more attention to the syntax and diction the characters use in the show as to improve your usage of voice.

[kukinwally4eva]

wow this is good write more i like diary entry things

[numbuheightbitstar]

1), you mispelled "Hoagie."

2) Scone is right... all the entries read like they could've been written by the same character. Not only that, but they all read more like excerpts from an internet conversation than they do from personal diaries.

3) There's a few things you have the KND writing that I think kinda destroys the illusion:

Kuki: I don't think she would use the term "on a lighter note," it's mostly older people who use that term, and in any case Kuki certainly doesn't have that kind of eloquence.

Wally: "I'll kill myself" is stretching it. That sounds like something a teenager would say.

Abby: She's too emotional and doesn't sound at all like Numbuh Five. I know this is her diary where she keeps her personal thoughts and all, but I still can't imagine her ranting about her glasses in all-caps or being quite as emotional as she sounds here.

Nigel: Even though he crossed it out, I can't see him calling his teammates "Evil wimps"

Hoagie: I can't see him misspelling his own name.

Nice attempt to do something new, but needs improvements.

[tako]

I agree with James on some points:

Numbuh 3 probably wouldn't use the phrase, "On a lighter note."
Numbuh 1 probably wouldn't call his teammates, "Evil wimps." Perhaps "Those wimps," or something is more in character. He doesn't use the word "evil" very often unless describing some scheme an adult is cooking up.


However, I disagree with James on some points:

Numbuh 5 is perfectly capable of being emotional. Look at how many times she's been... frustrated at her teammates' incompetence. I actually thought that her part of the piece was the one that conjured the writer's voice (here, Numbuh 5) the *best*. However, I must say that the part when she said, "STUPID DUMB GLASSES!" didn't really sound like Numbuh 5...

Also, Numbuh 4 exaggerates. A lot. I don't think he's being angsty here, James. I think he's just trying to think of a way to say, "It'd be really bad! And embarrassing!" If he wrote that, that wouldn't sound like Numbuh 4 (he doesn't state his feelings directly but through action). I think the "I'll kill myself!" sounds more in character. It's for emphasis, not because he's actually considered doing it.



About diversifying the voices, I don't think there's much that can be done. Despite what some people think, people do NOT write things down exactly as they say them. Like leaving the "g" off of "going". No, most people write in standard English. Numbuh 4 is probably an exception here, and the fact that he's writing a diary in itself is highly improbable, but still. The only things that you can diversify are 1) vocabulary/choice of words, 2) sentence structure, 3) tone, 4) subject matter.

I'm noticing that Numbuh 3 uses words like "embar[ra]ssed" "ex[c]ited", "worried" - words that describe common feelings simply. Numbuh 4 uses "cruddy" every other sentence or so (also, the word "gosh", which seems out of place). Numbuh 1 uses the phrase, "110%", sort of a typical leader/coach phrase.

I'm also noticing that Numbuh 3 uses exclamation marks after every sentence. Numbuh 1 uses short to-the-point sentences like, "I am NOT pleased." Numbuh 2 uses short, conversational sentences ("Nothing new.").

The tone of those three I just mentioned comes out in the sentence structures I just pointed out. Numbuh 3 is excited, Numbuh 1 is disappointed and making a report of the day, Numbuh 2 is conversational.

Finally, Numbuh 3 writes about her stuffed animals and upcoming social events. Numbuh 4 writes about something he's unsure about. Numbuh 5 first writes with frustration at Numbuh 3's tea party, but then suddenly switches to worrying about growing up. Numbuh 1 writes about his team's performance and duties that are overwhelming him. Numbuh 2 writes about how things are going, a general view.

They're all very different. True, they could be more different. Also, there are few out of character points. However, I think you guys are being a little harsh here...

[numberunknown]

sorry... i was just having fun with these

[28]

Yeah, nobody's perfect. I think they're really great though, seriously. You did WAY better than I would have ('cause--you know me with my 1/28 craze.)

[shimaiandinfinity]

OH! you should the delightfuls' diary or Father's... yeah! that would be HILARIOUS!!!