"Remembering Buckleberry Row"

[cybra]

Hey, everybody.

Cybra reporting in to say that she's not dead. So all of you rejoicing, sorry to disappoint. It's called "The Curse of Dial Up Hell."

I have a humble contribution on Fanfiction.Net (FFN) I like to call "Remembering Buckleberry Row" that I am putting on the loving chopping block. Think of it as you guys' revenge on The Evil Editor.

www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1911823&time=1087315545

My problem is that I can't figure out what's wrong with it. I've tweaked it and tweaked it, but there's something wrong with this bloody fic that I can't figure out!

Okay the genre is angst, and I know Numbuh 3 sounds a little serious but I tried to keep her in character despite the overall serious tone. (And I'm still not happy.)

Please tell me what's wrong with this fic.

~Cybra

[pentical]

i don't think there's anything wrong with it. I like this story very much.

Ok, you want some pointers. Maybe you could use a little more detail about the fight. But besides that I like it.

[otto789]

very good

[cybra]

Pentical said:

Maybe you could use a little more detail about the fight.

Hmmm...If I ever do a story like this again, I'll have to remember that. I kept cutting it short, elongating it, then shortening it, then lengthening it, and then shortening it because I wasn't sure. Thanks, Pentical!

~Cybra

[tako]

Wow, I thought it was really good. The footnotes were just a bit distracting, but it's okay. (I don't think that the first one was very necessary.) Anyway, it was very interesting because as I read it, I felt this feeling of apprehension and suspense that made me really curious and want to continue reading until the end. However, I was a bit disappointed because the battle was kind of sad, but not serious enough. I had this dreading sort of feeling that something terrible happened, but Numbuh 1 getting injured and the base being lost didn't seem serious enough. I must sound really depressing, but I was expecting someone to have died, and then many people withdrew from the organization because it wasn't a kind of "fun and games" kind of thing anymore, but actually that wouldn't make sense unless it occurred sometime in the future, rather than in the past, so never mind. I'm kind of confused, but I'll just say that the grammar and spelling were good, I couldn't find anything wrong with the characterizations.