Post by thuhjesheekuh on Jul 15, 2005 7:18:40 GMT
Okay, this is the third KND fic I've written (the only one I've posted here on the forum), and I haven't gotten any feedback on it yet. It's been up for a few days now and moved off the front page of the KND section, so I've given up most hopes of a review on ff.net unless I decide to continue it. But since I've gotten no feedback, I'm not sure if it's worth continuing or not. As such, I've decided to see if I can get any feedback from you guys. [/unnecessary history lesson]
I strongly encourage use of the Fanfiction Review Service method, because I think it would be the most useful. I beg of you please, please, please, puh-lease do not give me any of the "OMG" reviews that don't say anything. I want true constructive criticism. Anyway, without further ado, here is Op: S.I.D.E.L.I.N.E.
**********
Supporting
Individuals
Delightedly
Earn
Limelight
In
Numerous
Eyes
Ah… to be ten and a fighter of crime. Truly there is not a better feeling in the world. You are genuinely an icon to kid-dom everywhere. Just think: without you, who would fight for their right to jump on the bed late at night? Who would defend their claim to cavity-inducing sweets? Who would guard their freedom to cartoon watching every Saturday morning? No one! That’s who!
Truly the Kids Next Door are an organization of freedom fighters, of those who stand for the very ideals of being a kid. A bunch of amateurs to be sure, but at times they provide adequate back-up if things get a little too rough for the single most frightening anti-adult force there is. After all, adults are the greatest enemies of children everywhere. Certainly there are kind adults out there. I, admittedly, am one of the lucky ones. My mother is the very picture of the well-behaved adult… although Grandma can be a handful sometimes.
But there are others less fortunate than I, who are under the “care” of a more tyrannous parent. And there are those less fortunate still who have the added dangers present when a teenager lurks down the hallway. These cold-blooded siblings are often worse than the adults. I have again been fortunate thus far as my older brother has not yet reached the anointed age where boogers and action figures become replaced by… by cars and… and cheerleaders. Unfortunately, the day draws near and I will have to face the constant worry that he will turn to the adult side.
Yes, I have had many encounters with the other side. I fight for kids’ rights; of course I’ve seen my share of battles. I’ll tell you, my crime-fighting days started early when I was betrayed by a particularly revolting villain… no, he really was revolting. He gave us all the flu, and it was nasty! Fortunately I was able to come back and save my brother and his friends. It’s all in a day’s work. And it didn’t stop there.
I was later enlisted to aid in the capture of the supposed greatest Kid Next Door ever. He wasn’t so great. Afterall, he fell for my trick easily and took me “hostage.” Ha! He didn’t even realize it was all part of my plan. I quickly escaped my bonds and saved the Kids Next Door Moon Base from floating into the sun. This was, however, the first time that my heroics were recognized, for I was finally invited to the Kids Next Door training program.
Ah, those were the days: the ice, the drills, the ice, the robot adults, the ice, and, oh, yeah, the ice. My period in arctic base was filled with good times as I saved the Kids Next Door once again, this time coming face to face with the notorious Father himself. I made small work of him, with a little help from old blue eyes. Sweet kid, but not quite my type.
Unfortunately, the head of decommissioning later lost the object of Father’s assault anyway. However, when graduation day came my brother and his friends had recovered it. A chip off the old block, he was. That day, however, Father made yet another attack, turning all of the Kids Next Door into animals. My fellow operatives' cries for my help were more than enough to convince me to come to their aid, and I thrashed Father once again.
That day, though, I realized that the Kids Next Door were below my obvious talents, and I quit. Sure, they needed me; that much was apparent. But kid-kind needed me more, and I was certain that I could do the most good if I worked separate from the organization. They were sad to see me go, but I assured them that they could count on me if ever an adult became too much to handle. Sure enough, the time soon came that my aid was needed.
The annual tube-a-thon is the highlight of the year for all the local kids. Of course, the race itself is a mere formality, as my tubing skills far outmatch theirs. But it’s always fun to let them try to outdo me. It was a close race this year though, as I lost a lot of time saving the kids from being baked into a giant cake. When will Father learn he’s no match for me? It was a tight race, but I pulled it out in the end, still a winner.
It’s always been a little tough though. Working alone can get you a life of solitude, and there are times that I yearn for human contact. What they say is true: it’s lonely at the top. But I know that it’s all worth while when I see a kid playing jump rope or jacks, or maybe eating ice cream till their brain freezes, or even buying a new comic at the comic store. It’s things like that that make me know that I’ve made the right choice.
And for all the hard work and loneliness put into saving kids everywhere from adult tyranny, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. No, sir. I would make the same choice a hundred times if posed the option of saving my brother’s friends or letting that villain go free. And as long as I am here, no kid need worry. For if ever they need a hero to save them from an adult, I will be there. For I am…
The Tommy!
I strongly encourage use of the Fanfiction Review Service method, because I think it would be the most useful. I beg of you please, please, please, puh-lease do not give me any of the "OMG" reviews that don't say anything. I want true constructive criticism. Anyway, without further ado, here is Op: S.I.D.E.L.I.N.E.
**********
Supporting
Individuals
Delightedly
Earn
Limelight
In
Numerous
Eyes
Ah… to be ten and a fighter of crime. Truly there is not a better feeling in the world. You are genuinely an icon to kid-dom everywhere. Just think: without you, who would fight for their right to jump on the bed late at night? Who would defend their claim to cavity-inducing sweets? Who would guard their freedom to cartoon watching every Saturday morning? No one! That’s who!
Truly the Kids Next Door are an organization of freedom fighters, of those who stand for the very ideals of being a kid. A bunch of amateurs to be sure, but at times they provide adequate back-up if things get a little too rough for the single most frightening anti-adult force there is. After all, adults are the greatest enemies of children everywhere. Certainly there are kind adults out there. I, admittedly, am one of the lucky ones. My mother is the very picture of the well-behaved adult… although Grandma can be a handful sometimes.
But there are others less fortunate than I, who are under the “care” of a more tyrannous parent. And there are those less fortunate still who have the added dangers present when a teenager lurks down the hallway. These cold-blooded siblings are often worse than the adults. I have again been fortunate thus far as my older brother has not yet reached the anointed age where boogers and action figures become replaced by… by cars and… and cheerleaders. Unfortunately, the day draws near and I will have to face the constant worry that he will turn to the adult side.
Yes, I have had many encounters with the other side. I fight for kids’ rights; of course I’ve seen my share of battles. I’ll tell you, my crime-fighting days started early when I was betrayed by a particularly revolting villain… no, he really was revolting. He gave us all the flu, and it was nasty! Fortunately I was able to come back and save my brother and his friends. It’s all in a day’s work. And it didn’t stop there.
I was later enlisted to aid in the capture of the supposed greatest Kid Next Door ever. He wasn’t so great. Afterall, he fell for my trick easily and took me “hostage.” Ha! He didn’t even realize it was all part of my plan. I quickly escaped my bonds and saved the Kids Next Door Moon Base from floating into the sun. This was, however, the first time that my heroics were recognized, for I was finally invited to the Kids Next Door training program.
Ah, those were the days: the ice, the drills, the ice, the robot adults, the ice, and, oh, yeah, the ice. My period in arctic base was filled with good times as I saved the Kids Next Door once again, this time coming face to face with the notorious Father himself. I made small work of him, with a little help from old blue eyes. Sweet kid, but not quite my type.
Unfortunately, the head of decommissioning later lost the object of Father’s assault anyway. However, when graduation day came my brother and his friends had recovered it. A chip off the old block, he was. That day, however, Father made yet another attack, turning all of the Kids Next Door into animals. My fellow operatives' cries for my help were more than enough to convince me to come to their aid, and I thrashed Father once again.
That day, though, I realized that the Kids Next Door were below my obvious talents, and I quit. Sure, they needed me; that much was apparent. But kid-kind needed me more, and I was certain that I could do the most good if I worked separate from the organization. They were sad to see me go, but I assured them that they could count on me if ever an adult became too much to handle. Sure enough, the time soon came that my aid was needed.
The annual tube-a-thon is the highlight of the year for all the local kids. Of course, the race itself is a mere formality, as my tubing skills far outmatch theirs. But it’s always fun to let them try to outdo me. It was a close race this year though, as I lost a lot of time saving the kids from being baked into a giant cake. When will Father learn he’s no match for me? It was a tight race, but I pulled it out in the end, still a winner.
It’s always been a little tough though. Working alone can get you a life of solitude, and there are times that I yearn for human contact. What they say is true: it’s lonely at the top. But I know that it’s all worth while when I see a kid playing jump rope or jacks, or maybe eating ice cream till their brain freezes, or even buying a new comic at the comic store. It’s things like that that make me know that I’ve made the right choice.
And for all the hard work and loneliness put into saving kids everywhere from adult tyranny, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. No, sir. I would make the same choice a hundred times if posed the option of saving my brother’s friends or letting that villain go free. And as long as I am here, no kid need worry. For if ever they need a hero to save them from an adult, I will be there. For I am…
The Tommy!
