Tag

[cybra]

Hey, everybody.

Got a new one for people to criticize.

This one was a little writing exercise to stretch my writing muscle, so I set down a little goal for myself:

Write a story in the third person involving no dialogue whatsoever.

I think I did okay considering the above self-set challenge and the fact that I was trying to make it seem like the participants were enjoying themselves even though I hate flying.

I don't know. You guys be the judges.

www.fanfiction.net/s/2029731/1/

~Cybra

[tako]

If I may, I'd like to use the new point system.


Plot: 10
Wow, a very interesting and original idea. I just love friend-fics because they're so sweet. Interesting idea to not have any dialogue.

Spelling/Grammar: 9.5
It was all good except for one little thing. A "bonsai" is a miniature tree and "banzai" is a shout kind of like "hurrah!"

Characterization: 10
Hm... I can't think of anything wrong with the characterization.

Genre: 10
Yes, it's just general.

Technique: 8
Even though I know you weren't putting in any dialogue, it seemed kind of dry. I think it would have helped if the two of them had laughed at the end. I think that the tone was a little too subdued.


47.5/50 --> 95/100

[numbuheightbitstar]

Okay... I love the concept of this story--too many people think you need dialogue to establish characterization, and it's always good to have someone who goes against the trend.

Secondly, you do a great job doing just that.

[cybra]

Thanks to the both of you. I really appreciate the critiquing!

And on the "bonzai" versus "banzai" thing: CRAP! I can't believe I did that! Spellchecker didn't see it, and neither did I. Thanks for pointing it out, Tako. Good lesson for next time.

~Cybra