Operation: DATE-TWO

[NumbuhInfinity]

Finally finished my 1/Lizzie story. Whew. I procrastinated too much, but I've done it. Since the story is much too big to post bits after bits of it here, I'll just link you to it. I'm getting really annoyed with what FF.net is doing, though. But anyways, hope ya like!

Operation: DATE-TWO

Summary: Nigel and his girlfriend finally go on a real date and try to enjoy to it, but it is made quite difficult when a single annoyance continously tries to destroy their perfect evening! Question is, who and why?

[maxk]

That was great. You've done it again, Numbuh Infinity! I couldn't find any flaws.

[tako]

Wow, very nice! I loved all the 1/Lizzie bits! (And the 2/5 bits!)

Everyone else: *cough* Well, you would.

Anyway, I thought it was very interesting, and it compelled me to read it all the way to the end, even though it's about six in the morning here. <_<;;; I was really surprised by the masked person's identity. And the end... poor guy. ^^;;;

The characterization was really good. I didn't really find any problems with it.

I do have some proofreading nitpicks, though:


First, there were some tense changes...

"The head of the masked kid peers over their seats just enough so that the persistent one could see them but also so that they could not see him."

"Lizzie discovered she munched on the popcorn a little too quickly, seeing as how her lips now have butter and some idle kernel on them. So she reached her hand down to grab some napkins that she placed on the armchair, when she felt a soft obstacle obscure its path. She looked to discover her hand is on Nigel's." Those sentences should be, "Lizzie discovered that she had munched on the popcorn a little too quickly, seeing as how her lips now had butter and some idle kernel on them. So she reached her hand down to grab some napkins that she had placed on the armchair, when she felt a soft obstacle obscure its path. She looked to discover that her hand was on Nigel's."

"The two looked around them to find the source of the sound they hear." <-- The "hear" should be either "heard" or "were hearing".

"They looked down in front of them (they are on a slightly higher elevation)." <-- The "are" should be "were". Or you could alter the sentence to be like, "They looked down in front of them from their slightly higher elevation."

"He blasts off with the surprised Lizzie clutching him even tighter."

"Before he knew it, he was bound by what appears to be jump rope."


Other notes...

"Nearby passerbys looked at the scene curiously and interestedly." <-- "Passerbys" should be "passersby".

"Two of the seats from either side of them were empty, so it was unlikely they would hear the close sound from further on those directions." <-- I recommend you change that sentence to "... further on in those directions."

"Nigel and Lizzie stopped in front of Lizzie's house. Nigel led her in front of the door and stopped." <-- Since you used the word "stopped" twice in 2 sentences, it might be better if you changed one of them.

"'...I would not blame you if you hated this night and would not speak to me for a while, if ever.'" <-- It sounds a little awkward. I recommend changing the "would not"s into "wouldn't"s

"Well, I'm quite relieved," Nigel said honestly, smiling. "Even though it didn't exactly went as I planned, I am happy that you enjoyed yourself." <-- The "went" should be "go", and I also think that the "quite relieved" should be replaced with "rather relieved", but that's just my opinion.



Anyway, I thought this was a very nice fic, with good elements of humor and romance. My absolute favoritest part in the entire fic was the part when Numbuh 1 was pondering about what could be taking Lizzie so long, at the beginning, when he's waiting for her. I laughed aloud very loudly, but fortunately, nobody heard me because they were all sleeping.

Anyway, very nice story. I loved it! ^^

[NumbuhInfinity]

Thanks MaxK and Tako. And ugh, I thought I cleared all the typos now, but it looks like I missed some. Ah well, I'll correct them later; I really don't feel like doing that horizontal rule thing (from FF.net's QuickEdit) in place of where the asterisks would have been.

But thank you so much for your comments and C&C, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I R Happy.