Post by numbuheightbitstar on Mar 8, 2007 11:13:38 GMT
"And so, we lay to rest our dearest friend, and the greatest leader a kid could ever have... Nigel Uno." Hoagie read the eulogy while sobbing and choking back tears. "May he be happy forever... wherever he is!"
Kuki was bawling, and hugging Wally, who was patting her on the back and saying "I know, I miss him too!" Then a waterfall came out of their eyes as Wally declared "It's never gonna be the same without him!"
And the crying continued, until the cathedral was so flooded that everyone was beginning to think they'd have to use the remaining caskets as personal rowboats.
Then Hoagie noticed I had said nothing about Numbuh Five. "Abby?" He asked.
"Yeah?"
Hoagie blinked. "Why aren't you crying?"
Abby sighed as all eyes turned towards her, and she said "It's like this: Okay, he's dead and all, but you know... on this show, that means he gets to hang out with Kuki's pet hamsters in some underground world, drinking soda and having a motocross race every day. And it's not like he can't come back as a ghost if he wants. So, you know, what's to feel upset about?"
"Wow," Hoagie said, approaching Abby tenderly, holding her hands and looking deep into her eyes. As their faces drew closer, Hoagie said "That's the most amazingly deep and analytical thing I've ever heard anyone say."
"Yeah," Kuki said, looking at Wally, "It makes me wanna make out!"
"Me too!" Wally agreed.
And everyone was about to kiss...
Then suddenly, Wally said "Hey wait, did Numbuh Two just say 'analytical'?"
Suddenly Hoagie stopped. "Hey, I did, didn't I? What does that word mean, anyway?"
"It means we're being coupled!" Wally declared with stark terror. "Quick, name everything that's wrong with this scene!"
"Ummm.... Numbuh One's parents are conveniently not even in this cathedral even though its their son's funeral." Hoagie pointed out.
Abby added, "Ummm... there is also conveniently not even a priest here... and say, how did Numbuh One die, anyway?"
"I don't know! He was just conveniently dead!
"You think he might've started this story dead merely as an excuse for us to be brought together by gushing over him?"
"Nothing is beyond those Sinister Shippers! Hey, who the heck is talking, anyway?"
"It's better if you don't know."
"Okay. Hey wait! I just had an inspiration! If this is a Shipperfic, then obviously its logical consistency is very weak, meaning we can probably save Numbuh One!"
The other three immediately wanted to know "How?"
"It's simple! We just wait for a clumb of dirt to fall on Kuki's head!"
Suddenly a clump of dirt fell on Kuki's head, and immediately broke into smaller clumps in a perfect circle around her. Each clump contained a mushroom.
"Oh, this is a fairy ring!" Kuki blurted out. "It's this circle of mushrooms and according to the Celtics of Celtania (or wherever Celtics come from), if you stand in one and make a wish it comes true! I just had to explain that because the author knows a lot about this kind of stuff and there's no other way he'd have a practical use for it. I wish Numbuh One was alive!"
And suddenly Numbuh One stirred. Everyone looked, wondering if I was going to be a real jackass and pull a Monkey's Paw routine. Instead, Numbuh One sat up and rubbed his head and otherwise looked like he just woke up after a bad hangover following a college frat party.
Nigel looked at his friends and barked "All right, which of you caused me to lose the Motocross race?"
That question miffed everyone so much that they went and killed Numbuh One all over again. Realizing what had happened, Hoagie became saddened and began his eulogy:
"And so, we lay to rest our dearest friend..."
"Hey wait, didn't you say that already?" Kuki asked.
Then everyone gasped, for when you're in a bad fanfic you never want to realize events are looping, because bad authors have a bad way of resolving endless loops.
Suddenly Godzilla stepped on the funeral home and killed everyone in the building, and their ghosts all fell on Numbuh One just in time to prevent him from winning the race, again.
The End (unless of course this is another endless loop).
Suddenly Godzilla stepped on the author, and he too fell on Numbuh One just in time to prevent him from winning the golden trophy.
The End (unless of course this is another endless loop).
Suddenly Godzilla stepped on the author's author, and he too fell on Numbuh One just in time to prevent him from winning the golden trophy.
The End.
No, really. This one's not a loop.
Suddenly Godzilla stepped on the author's author's author, and his ghost (The AAA's, not Godzilla's) fell on Numbuh One at just the critical moment to prevent him from winning the trophy in the Afterlife Motocross Championship.
There, I changed a few words, so this really is The End.
Kuki was bawling, and hugging Wally, who was patting her on the back and saying "I know, I miss him too!" Then a waterfall came out of their eyes as Wally declared "It's never gonna be the same without him!"
And the crying continued, until the cathedral was so flooded that everyone was beginning to think they'd have to use the remaining caskets as personal rowboats.
Then Hoagie noticed I had said nothing about Numbuh Five. "Abby?" He asked.
"Yeah?"
Hoagie blinked. "Why aren't you crying?"
Abby sighed as all eyes turned towards her, and she said "It's like this: Okay, he's dead and all, but you know... on this show, that means he gets to hang out with Kuki's pet hamsters in some underground world, drinking soda and having a motocross race every day. And it's not like he can't come back as a ghost if he wants. So, you know, what's to feel upset about?"
"Wow," Hoagie said, approaching Abby tenderly, holding her hands and looking deep into her eyes. As their faces drew closer, Hoagie said "That's the most amazingly deep and analytical thing I've ever heard anyone say."
"Yeah," Kuki said, looking at Wally, "It makes me wanna make out!"
"Me too!" Wally agreed.
And everyone was about to kiss...
Then suddenly, Wally said "Hey wait, did Numbuh Two just say 'analytical'?"
Suddenly Hoagie stopped. "Hey, I did, didn't I? What does that word mean, anyway?"
"It means we're being coupled!" Wally declared with stark terror. "Quick, name everything that's wrong with this scene!"
"Ummm.... Numbuh One's parents are conveniently not even in this cathedral even though its their son's funeral." Hoagie pointed out.
Abby added, "Ummm... there is also conveniently not even a priest here... and say, how did Numbuh One die, anyway?"
"I don't know! He was just conveniently dead!
"You think he might've started this story dead merely as an excuse for us to be brought together by gushing over him?"
"Nothing is beyond those Sinister Shippers! Hey, who the heck is talking, anyway?"
"It's better if you don't know."
"Okay. Hey wait! I just had an inspiration! If this is a Shipperfic, then obviously its logical consistency is very weak, meaning we can probably save Numbuh One!"
The other three immediately wanted to know "How?"
"It's simple! We just wait for a clumb of dirt to fall on Kuki's head!"
Suddenly a clump of dirt fell on Kuki's head, and immediately broke into smaller clumps in a perfect circle around her. Each clump contained a mushroom.
"Oh, this is a fairy ring!" Kuki blurted out. "It's this circle of mushrooms and according to the Celtics of Celtania (or wherever Celtics come from), if you stand in one and make a wish it comes true! I just had to explain that because the author knows a lot about this kind of stuff and there's no other way he'd have a practical use for it. I wish Numbuh One was alive!"
And suddenly Numbuh One stirred. Everyone looked, wondering if I was going to be a real jackass and pull a Monkey's Paw routine. Instead, Numbuh One sat up and rubbed his head and otherwise looked like he just woke up after a bad hangover following a college frat party.
Nigel looked at his friends and barked "All right, which of you caused me to lose the Motocross race?"
That question miffed everyone so much that they went and killed Numbuh One all over again. Realizing what had happened, Hoagie became saddened and began his eulogy:
"And so, we lay to rest our dearest friend..."
"Hey wait, didn't you say that already?" Kuki asked.
Then everyone gasped, for when you're in a bad fanfic you never want to realize events are looping, because bad authors have a bad way of resolving endless loops.
Suddenly Godzilla stepped on the funeral home and killed everyone in the building, and their ghosts all fell on Numbuh One just in time to prevent him from winning the race, again.
The End (unless of course this is another endless loop).
Suddenly Godzilla stepped on the author, and he too fell on Numbuh One just in time to prevent him from winning the golden trophy.
The End (unless of course this is another endless loop).
Suddenly Godzilla stepped on the author's author, and he too fell on Numbuh One just in time to prevent him from winning the golden trophy.
The End.
No, really. This one's not a loop.
Suddenly Godzilla stepped on the author's author's author, and his ghost (The AAA's, not Godzilla's) fell on Numbuh One at just the critical moment to prevent him from winning the trophy in the Afterlife Motocross Championship.
There, I changed a few words, so this really is The End.
![artgirlb [a.k.a. Numbuh 138] Avatar](http://img252.imageshack.us/img252/1335/tommyavatarmo3.gif){kind=avatar}
