60/362 Thread III

[Prettywitchiusaka]

I saw a little bit of the movie with my mother once, she was flipping through channels and we came across the movie. It was the part where the girl was running around and doing crazy things so that he would laugh and not kill her. Although, it does look like a pretty good movie I must say.


And before I sign off for now, I have two things I'd like to tell you guys about. One is a new story concept, and another is a small note my brother gave me.

My younger brother is a KND fan as well( although not to the
degree that I am). And even though he is not a fan of 60/362, I constantly ask him to read my stories for a second opinion. I asked him to read 'Guardian Angel', which he did. He thought it was good, but he thought that the fight scene could have been a little bit longer. With him saying that, I was wondering if you guys think that as well?

And as for the story concept, it happens a few days after Rachel has awoken from her broccoli endused coma and has resumed her place as Supreme Leader. She is walking down the hallway with a large stack of paperwork in her hands, until she accidentally bumps into Patton.

Being generous, he helps her pick up the scattered paperwork, only to stop for a breif moment when their hands brush over each other's. Rachel then tells Patton what Nigel had told her about him( Patton) coming to visit her everyday when she was in a coma, even though he would be busy training cadets. Patton blushes, saying that it's no big deal, but Rachel thinks it makes sense that he would check up on her like that. After a conversation insues, Rachel decides that she should reward Patton for his sweetness, and gives him a small kiss on the cheek, something they are both surprised by. Rachel quickly grabs the rest of her paperwork and leaves, wondering why she did that, leaving Patton somewhat dazed.

[delitelia]

Short and cute, I like the story concept. If developed well, it could be one of the cutest stories I've read yet.

And now, about the fighting scene, if it had been longer it could maybe get us out of the point of the story which should be protecting Rachel so I think it was long enough. That's just me.

[fangirl4315]

Cute story concept. It's cute and sweet. I just made a story that Rachel has been receiving Valentines which she thinks are cheesy but sweet. Then, she starts receiving coded messages which only two certain operatives could crack, and the coded messages are still Valentines. Now, the two certain operatives need to find out who is sending the messages before Valentine's Day. You guys can guess who he is... but it's pretty obvious who.

[delitelia]

Hey, I didn't welcome to the thread before: Welcome new Desk Jockey, glad you're joining us.

Yep, I guess we can guess ;D. The story sounds interestin Fangirl4315. Have you read Prettywitch's 60/362 fics? You should check them out, they're pretty good.

[fangirl4315]

I haven't read them yet but I will. I'm sure I'll like them!

[Prettywitchiusaka]

Thanks Deli. I suppose you're right, but then again by brother's a guy, he's not really into romance the way I am.

Nice to me fangirl( I enjoy shortening or giving nicknames to my online aquaintences and friends). I'm so happy we finally have a new memeber, a lot of our members have either been really busy, or have lost interest in KND( damn you INTERVIEWS!). Enjoy your stay.

Oh, BTW, I like your concept. Have you written it? If so, can we see it?

Edit- I'm sure you'll enjoy my stories as well. They've generally recieved favourable reactions, save for my one friend who I don't think has ever even watched five minutes of KND.

[delitelia]

I agree, fangirl; I would like to check out your story as well.

[fangirl4315]

I have written the first chapter. The second one is still on progress. I put some funny bits on too. Here's the summary: Rachel McKenzie has been receiving several coded love letters since the start of February. Hoagie P. Gilligan Jr., Kuki Sanban, Wallabee Beatles and Joe Balooka weren’t able to crack the mystery, and they have to seek help from detectives Nigel Uno and Abigail Lincoln. Will they be able to crack the coded mystery, or will the mystery crack them?

Kinda corny, the summary, but I hope you'll like chappie one:

Chapter 1: Magazine Subscriptions and Love Letters

It is a normal February day. It was the weekend and the KND have no missions. “Where is Numbuh 5?” Nigel asked. “I dunno. I haven’t seen her all day,” Wally replied. “Me neither,” Kuki said “Why the sudden concern, Numbuh 1?” Hoagie asked. “I just asked,” Nigel replied. “Hmm…” Then, someone just arrived. “Hey guys.” It was Abby. “Numbuh 5, where have you been? You might be captured by Cree or the Delightful Children!” Nigel said. “Chillax Numbuh 1. Numbuh 5 just got a new magazine,” Abby told him. “What is it? Another girl magazine?” Nigel asked.

“Nope. It’s called Mystery Magazine. It has tips on how to solve a mystery and it has secret solutions in a code,” Abby said.

“Can I buy that magazine?” “Yeah, but it’s better if you subscribe. Here,” Abby handed him a subscription form, “if ya want, you can use this form. Numbuh 5 has lots of extras.”

“Thanks. But while I haven’t subscribed yet, can we share the magazine first?” “Sure.” Nigel and Abby sat on the couch, reading the start of the magazine.

Wally and Kuki were playing videogames while Hoagie was watching. It was a racing game, and Wally really wants to win. Wally and Kuki were pushing the buttons fast and hard. “I wonder who will win,” Hoagie said.

“C’mon, win!” Wally said. “Look, the finish line!” Kuki squealed. “Ooh, the game is roughing up,” Hoagie said.

“Cool. I would never know that we could write like that,” Nigel said. “Let’s try it. Get a piece of paper and a toothpick,” Abby said and Nigel ran to his room. Back with the game, Wally is winning. “I’m gonna be the winner!” Wally exclaimed. But then, Nigel arrived and said, “We have a call from Numbuh 362 at the screen.” All the operatives followed Nigel to his room. “Aw crud, just when I was going to win,” Wally said.

“What’s the urgency, Numbuh 362?” Nigel asked and then Rachel said, “Help! I’ve been receiving silly love letters and now, I’ve received some kind of coded message! I need someone who can crack this code!”

“Don’t worry. Hoagie P. Gilligan is on the case. I have to use some of my cool detective skills for this one. Show me the code.” Rachel then raised a piece of paper with letters forming a square. Hoagie looked at it carefully and read out loud, “ELAVYM NMHCAE TINERB? What kind of message is that?” “It’s coded, ya doofus!” Fanny said, arriving.

“I’ll try to solve! Maybe, you should read it vertically,” Kuki said and then Wally said, “So it will be ENT LMI AHN VCE YAR MEB. What kind of code is that?! There’s no way we could figure out this code!” “So, who knows anyone who’s a detective?” Nigel asked and then Hoagie said, “I know! Joe Balooka.”

“Joe Balooka? Numbuh 5 doesn’t think so,” Abby said. “We’ll take chances. I just need to know who keeps sending this cheesy Valentines! It’s so sweet but kinda annoying,” Rachel said. "So toots, have you received my Valentine yet?" Hoagie asked Fanny. "Toots?! Didn't I tell ya to stop calling me that?!" “Stop it, you two! Numbuh 2, look for Joe and ask him to crack the code. Numbuh 86, go with Numbuh 2,” Rachel ordered. “But…” “No buts, Fanny,” Rachel said. “Okay, if Joe hasn’t cracked the code, I’ll be going there,” Rachel said. “Yes, ma’am!” Sector V said and they saluted. “Kids Next Door, move out!” Nigel said and they ran out of Nigel’s room and the screen went blank.

Sector V ran to Balooka’s Supermarket. Joe was in the parking lot, since he has nothing to do anymore in the school’s safety patrol. They ran to the parking lot and saw Joe standing around. “Joe Balooka,” Hoagie said. “Hoagie Gilligan. May I ask what you are doing here in my dad’s store?” Joe said. “We need you to help us crack a code,” Hoagie said. “What code?” Joe asked and then Fanny arrives holding a paper and she said, “This one.” She handed Joe the paper and Joe looked closely. “Well?” Fanny asked. “I don’t know what this code is saying,” Joe said. “What?!” Rachel asked. She just arrived. “This is a tricky one. We need experts for this code,” Joe said. “Let Numbuh 5 see that code,” Abby said.

She took the code and said, “It’s easy.” “What?” Kuki asked and then Abby said, “It’s easy. Look, Numbuh 1. Right, it’s easy?” “Oh yeah! It’s easy,” Nigel said. “What’s the coded message then?” Rachel asked and then Abby and Nigel said in unison, “Be my Valentine Rach M.” “How do you guys know?” Wally asked and then Nigel said, “It’s in grid code.” “Another cheesy Valentine? Why is this happening to me?” Rachel asked and then Kuki said, “You might have a secret admirer.” “But if I have, who could it be?” Rachel asked. “You two,” Fanny said, pointing at Nigel and Abby, “You will be the detectives of this case. Make sure you solve this case before Valentine’s Day.”

“We’ll try to solve the mystery the fastest we can,” Nigel said. “So Numbuh 1, we need to list the suspects,” Abby said. “But we need paper,” Nigel said and Abby told him, “Numbuh 5 has a detective pad here.” “Okay Numbuh 362, who are some of your suspects?” Nigel asked. “Well, it could be my brother. He might be sending fake Valentines.” “Uh huh. Next suspect,” Abby said. She was listing down important notes like a detective.

“I don’t know any more suspects! I don’t know who could’ve sent them,” Rachel said. “Hmm… we need to check it out. Numbuh 2, Numbuh 4, did ya send those Valentines and coded messages to Numbuh 362?” Abby asked and then Hoagie said, “No, I didn’t. I sent mine to another girl.” “I didn’t send cruddy Valentines,” Wally said. “Didn’t you consider it might be a girl trying to prank you, Rachel?” Joe asked and then Fanny said, “Hmm… trying to get the case off track, eh? You might be a suspect!” “I did no such thing of sending Valentines to Rachel,” Joe said.

Nigel and Abby started whispering to each other. “Do ya think we should put Joe to the suspect list?” Abby asked and then Nigel said, “It’s possible for him to be lying. Put him in, but not in the number one spot. He’s not the prime suspect.”

Abby wrote Joe in the second spot of the suspect list. “We’ll find more clues for this case. Call us if you have more clues,” Nigel said and then Rachel said, “Of course.” They all returned to their respective treehouses. “Looks like we’ve got a mystery in our hands,” Nigel thought.

[Prettywitchiusaka]

I'm liking it so far. But I have to say one thing...time to put Nigel and Abby in awesome detective clothing!

[fangirl4315]

Sure. I'll put it in Chapter 2, "Another code and a wrong culprit"

[delitelia]

It's interesting, but, mind if I make a suggestion about your writting?

[fangirl4315]

what is it?

[delitelia]

Try to put the dialogue of each character in different pragraphs, likes this:

“We’ll try to solve the mystery the fastest we can,” Nigel said.

“So Numbuh 1, we need to list the suspects,” Abby proposed.

“But we need paper,” Nigel said, Abby then replied;

“Numbuh 5 has a detective pad here.”

“Okay Numbuh 362, who are some of your suspects?” Nigel asked.

“Well, it could be my brother. He might be sending fake Valentines.”

“Uh huh. Next suspect,” Abby questiones; she was listing down important notes like a detective.

It'll make it easier to read and try to pick writing in either present or past; writing in both makes it a little confusing.

[fangirl4315]

Oh, okay. Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the help. P.S. No need to call me fangirl all the time. Just call me Jam... and guess my real name with that clue.

[Prettywitchiusaka]

Okay then, Jam it is.