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Post by faircod1965 on Feb 5, 2007 21:27:02 GMT
Excellent story, well written and with great detail, and featuring Leopold from Op. W.H.I.T.E.H.O.U.S.E. as well.
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Post by artgirlb [a.k.a. Numbuh 138] on Feb 5, 2007 23:27:02 GMT
Thanks! ;D I'd been meaning to make a fic with Leo for a while, and then I got the urge to write a 5/H fic...one thing led to another...
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Post by thesuki on Feb 5, 2007 23:29:18 GMT
I suggested this fic (in case they hadn't read it) to someone on LJ who made a bunch of 5/H icons in celebration of the "spawn", as he/she called Leo.
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Post by artgirlb [a.k.a. Numbuh 138] on Feb 5, 2007 23:47:51 GMT
My fic's worthy enough to get recommended to people?
Wow...I better not get too big-headed...
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Post by thesuki on Feb 6, 2007 2:38:52 GMT
It may just be that I haven't had many good experiences with fanfics, and OCs in particular. But you've managed to create a very original story in that there is practically no romance (95% of all fanfics are romance), lots of *winkwink, nudgenudge* moments, incorporate a subtle humor, and have an OC that isn't a complete Mary Sue.
Granted, the story probably could have happened without an OC, using one of the other Next Gen Sector V characters, but their involvement maybe have been harder to explain, since this seems to be more of a personal mission for Leo and Carmelite (with cosmic consequences, of course).
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Post by artgirlb [a.k.a. Numbuh 138] on Feb 6, 2007 3:21:54 GMT
Well...*ahem*...I may have tiny HINTS later on...but no confessions or making out or stuff like that (think LICORICE-scale chemistry). If it's not likely gonna happen at this point in the show, chances are, it's not gonna happen here. Besides, this is more suspense than romance, anyway. I live for those moments ;D Well, what fun would anything KND-related be without humor? The Mary-Sue Litmus Test agree with you ^^ Yeah, it wouldn't quite have worked as well if I'd used, say, Shirley (although he DOES make a cameo later on). Besides, after creating Carmelite, I wanted to use my new OC spawn  |
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Post by thesuki on Feb 6, 2007 4:05:27 GMT
If you have enough time to respond to all my posts, you have MORE than enough time to have finished the fifth chapter already.
The Suki is not pleased. -_-
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Post by artgirlb [a.k.a. Numbuh 138] on Feb 6, 2007 13:19:47 GMT
All right, all right, all right! Geez...it's harder than it looks to think up stuff like this, y'know...
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Post by thesuki on Feb 6, 2007 14:11:06 GMT
I know. I wrote fanfics a few years ago. I just like giving people a hard time. ^^
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Post by artgirlb [a.k.a. Numbuh 138] on Feb 8, 2007 13:47:48 GMT
Okay, people, I've decided...to make illustrations for this fic!
All of them will be drawn in my own style, and each one will be posted whenever I finish it. Heck, I already posted one in the first chapter (granted, I could've drawn the air vent better, and Heinrich looks a bit too calm, but...)
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Post by ocelotl on Feb 8, 2007 17:29:15 GMT
Stickybeard? Wow, i like this... There's no many stories with that character... Please continue! good job! (oh my english is so bad).
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Post by thesuki on Feb 8, 2007 17:31:24 GMT
Good enough. I at least knew what you were saying. And you're right. Stickybeard isn't in many fanfics. I really like how she's including him here, considering his connection to both characters.
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Post by artgirlb [a.k.a. Numbuh 138] on Feb 11, 2007 19:36:49 GMT
Chapter Five is up!
And now I must go work on the sixth one before a certain Candy Raider gives me a lashing...
---
Chapter Five
"Carmelite, are you sure you can explain all this by yourself?" Leopold asked his sister. The group was gathered in front of the door to the captain's cabin.
"And you think I can't trust you." Carmelite muttered in response, opening the door, "Wait, should we take them with us?" She motioned towards Abby and Heinrich.
"Numbuh Five doesn't see why not." Abby said.
"Yeah, but he might get confused as to how you guys got younger by 30 years..."
"Can ve just get zis over vith?" Heinrich sighed in exasperation.
Carmelite opened the door all the way and motioned for the others to come in. Leopold followed, but turned to Abby and Heinrich before he had completely walked into the room.
"Maybe you guys should stay out here, just in case." he told them, "I'll leave the doorway open so you can look in." Leopold then continued following Carmelite into the room.
Inside the cabin sat Stickybeard at his desk. His beard had turned from red to a light gray, and was a bit longer, but still as filled with candy as ever. There were also some noticable wrinkles in his face, but other than those changes, he looked almost the same as how he did the last time either Abby or Heinrich had seen him.
"Long time, no see, Sticky." greeted Carmelite.
"Well, lass, have you decided to take up me offer?" Stickybeard asked.
"I thought about it, and no, I'm not joining your crew. Mom turned you down, too, after all, and Dad did fine on his own after leaving the Sweet Revenge. Speaking of Dad, he visited you three days ago, didn't he?"
"Aye, he did..."
"Well, after he came home that night, he disappeared at...oh...what time was it, Leo?"
"I don't know." Leopold replied, "All I know is that I woke up in the morning, and he was gone, but didn't leave a note or anything, and he still wasn't home after school. He never goes anywhere for that long without letting us know where he is."
"Well, we'll just say he disappeared early in the morning." Carmelite decided, "So, did Dad say anything that might tell us where he went?"
"Hmm...he mentioned that the two of ye had a time machine..." Stickybeard said, as he pondered her question.
"How would he know about that?" asked Carmelite, confused.
"Um, yeah, about that..." Leopold answered, "I kinda told Dad about our plan to break Mom out of jail..."
"YOU WHAT?! Ooooo, if I didn't promise Mom I wouldn't kill you..."
"Well, there's no use hidin' us, then." Abby stated, as she and Heinrich entered the cabin. Stickybeard glanced at the two, then turned back to Carmelite and Leopold.
"Yer makin' a foolish choice." Stickybeard told them.
"What do you mean?" Abby asked.
"If somethin' happens to you or Heinrich," Stickybeard answered, turning his attention to Abby and Heinrich again, "They won't exist. That's why it be foolish to bring both of ye here."
"Vhat do I haff to do vith zis?!" Heinrich asked.
"Careful how you answer that." Leopold whispered to Stickybeard, "We haven't told him he's our dad yet..."
"Vhat did you say?" Heinrich questioned Leopold.
"Nothing."
"Can we get back to finding out what happened to Dad?" Carmelite asked.
"Yeah, listen to Carmelite," Leopold said, "She's right for once."
Carmelite glared at Leopold, then faced Stickybeard again.
"Did he say he was going anywhere?" she asked.
"Aye," Stickybeard replied "He said he was goin' off to break yer mother out himself, so ye wouldn't have to."
"What?!" Carmelite exclaimed, "Oh for the love of...can't Dad trust us to do ANYTHING anymore?!"
"Hey, you know how protective he's been of us since Mom got arrested." Leopold pointed out.
"But I'm gonna be 13 in a few months! If he can't trust me now..."
"If you want Dad to trust you, then I don't think your sneaking out of the house to go candy-hunting when you're supposed to be grounded really helps."
"Shut up, Leo."
"I'm just saying..."
"Well, we've got enough information, anyway. Come on, let's go."
"I hope you know what your doin', lass." Stickybeard told Carmelite as she waited for the others to leave the cabin.
"We've got it taken care of." she assured him, as she left the room.
After Carmelite shut the door behind her, Abby looked around the place, as if to see if they were alone.
"Abigail, zere's nobody here." Heinrich informed her.
"Uh, Heiny?" Abby asked, "Why don't you head back to the C.O.O.L.-B.U.S.? Numbuh Five's gotta talk to these two in private."
Heinrich looked suspicious, and didn’t move.
“Vhy should I?” he asked.
“It’s a private family thing.” Abby told him, “You wouldn’t be interested.”
Reluctantly, Heinrich did what he was told, and walked off. As soon as Abby was sure he was out of earshot, she turned to her future kids, a slight smile on her face.
"Heiny's your daddy, isn't he?" she guessed.
"Did you hear me whispering to Stickybeard?" Leopold asked.
"No, but you kinda made it obvious. Why didn't you just say it earlier?"
"Leo said that if we did, it would just make things awkward." Carmelite explained, "We weren't even going to tell you that you were our mom, until a certain teammate of yours ruined everything...um, does this make things awkward?"
"Well...kinda..."
"A lot of things can change over time." Leopold assured her, "You don't have to stop this fight with Dad now just because you know you're gonna have kids later on."
"That's good to know." Abby said, "'Cause Heinrich's not gonna forgive me anytime soon..." Remembering the discussion she and Heinrich had in the Arctic Base Prison, Abby's expression changed into one of worry.
"Hey, we're living proof it's going to work out." Carmelite pointed out, "Come on, let's go."
---
About 15 minutes later, the group was on the C.O.O.L.-B.U.S., leaving the Sweet Revenge.
"We're gonna make a stop at home now." Leopold announced to the others, "That way, we can get everything else we need for - wait a minute, I thought I heard something."
Everyone was quiet for a minute, listening for what Leopold had heard.
"Vhat's zat beeping sound?" Heinrich asked.
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Post by destinyinevitable on Feb 11, 2007 19:44:47 GMT
I already said it, but I'll say it again. I really like this. You do such a fantastic job with keeping everybody in character, it's funny, and it's just plain good. ^_^ Keep up the awesome job. Try to update soon, please!
Because Suki has a noodle whip.
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Post by thesuki on Feb 11, 2007 19:46:50 GMT
I'm thinking of upgrading to licorice. ^^
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![artgirlb [a.k.a. Numbuh 138] Avatar](http://img252.imageshack.us/img252/1335/tommyavatarmo3.gif){kind=avatar}
